Beautifully and Wonderfully....

I wanted to share this with ya'll... and please hear my heart in this. I don't want this to feel like a self- pity party. I want you as my readers to see that we all face times where we question the way God designed us...espicially us ladies ;) And I too struggle as you will soon see!
I hope you can hear a tiny bit of my life and then be encouraged to remember that YOU are beautifully and wondrously created by God and that you are

 PERFECT

just the way He made you.







Dear Jesus,

How was tonight? Tonight was terrible...I was so excited about going with the girls and getting crazy and having fun and just enjoying life as a teenager for once!

I am sitting here truly at a loss for words. I don't even know what to think. I mean geesh! I'm a senior! I'm an 18-year old girl who wants to have fun! I like dressing up and getting all pretty! So why oh why did I hate the dance tonight?!

What made me stop in the middle of that crowded dance floor, in a dark and flashing whirl of blaring music, dancing teenagers and the thrill of the night? What arrested my mind in that moment paralyzed me where I stood, and made me want to throw up? Why is it that all I could think in that moment was, "I'm not supposed to be here!" Why Jesus? I don't understand.

As I discretely slipped out of the chaos and into the hallway, I began to breathe in the fresh, cold air. I looked out of that floor-length window out to the breathtaking Town Center two flights below. What an enchanted place. You and I both know how much I hate the city, but I don't know. There's something special about this place. Down the street, I saw the fountain that I have always wanted to jump in. I saw the pizza place that Daddy took me on a date once. I saw the place where I want to go on my first date during Christmas time. And I saw the Sandler Center....oh that majestic concert hall! I can hear the music in my very being, even though the doors are locked and the building is silent. The hall might be still and closed for the night, but in my heart and mind, the music never sleeps. I can always hear it.

God, why am I crying? Why am I standing here going crazy with confusion? Why can't I bring myself to go back into that crazy room and dance like a normal person?

What's wrong with me?! Why does my heart break to watch the kids around me? Why do I feel so unbelievably out of place here? Why can I not think of anything else but lying beside a creek in the summer, or swinging on a tire swing in my favorite white summer dress? Why do I think about swing dancing with my sisters in the middle of the kitchen, or baking Christmas cookies in the kitchen while singing Christmas carols at the top of my lungs? Why do I like boots instead of high heels? Why do I hate every single song on 100.5? Why do I prefer staying home in front of the fire with a good book, to going out and shopping for clothes? Why do I enjoy deep conversations instead of just light chit chat? Why am I so quiet, and not outgoing and crazy-wild like my friends? Why do I dislike high school so much? Why do I take everything so seriously?

Why can't I just be like other people?

Father, I want to believe you made me special and that you made me to be me!! I want to know in my heart that I do not merely exist, but that you made me the way I am for a reason. Jesus, I feel so alone right now. I feel like I don't belong here. I don't feel like anyone understands. But I know You do. Even though it’s so hard for me to see, Jesus, I ask you would help me to love the way you made me.

Thank you for making me feel so out of place tonight at the dance. Thank you for moving on my heart. Thank you for being there with me. I wouldn't have been able to make it without you.

Jesus, please give me the desires of my heart. Give me what my heart longs for.....you know everything. Yet your will be done Jesus.

Thank you for making me who I am. Nights like tonight remind me that I am not just a normal girl. I am not an 18- year old high school senior that happened to be a Christian…no. I am a Christian that happens to be an 18-year old high school senior. I’m I am a daughter of the King of Kings. I am a Princess, and my Father is the most High God! Help me to walk in a way that is worthy of You. I love you.

With all my heart,

Hannah Leilani

Greater Love

Hello my dear friends! I hope and pray this finds you all doing wonderful! Enjoying this fall weather? I certainly am! Today was our last day of school before a long weekend. I am so excited!!
Being so busy with nursing, it is really hard for me to make time to blog...so this is a special treat for me today!

This post is going to be a thank you.

A thank you to our Heros....our past, present, and future Veterans. We are thinking of you and thanking God for you this Veteran's Day!
I had originally typed up there in the first paragraph, "Thank you Veterans for a day off of school!!"
Now, I could kick myself for even thinking such a thing. Is that all I see ya'll as? As faceless men without names, stories, feelings, hopes or dreams of your own? Have I sunk so low as to say the only thing good you do for me, an 18-year-old senior at Great Bridge Highschool, is to get me a breather in my hectic fall school schedule by giving us a day off school? God forgive me.

United States Veterans: There are no words to express the depth of our gratitude for your faithful, self-less, daily service you give to the people of this country. You are the reason we can sleep safely in our homes. You are the reason we can carry on the unbelievablyfree lifestyles we do. You are the reason we can walk up and down the streets of our towns and cities without fear of being shot in broad daylight. And so many other things.
I cannot imagine the sacrifice of leaving my loved ones to go overseas and fight. I cannot imagine what it feels like to see your best friend die infront of you. I cannot imagine what real fear is. Yet this i do know:

You show us what real courage is.

You show us what real endurance is.

And you show us what real love is.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13

You are a breathtaking reflection of God's love for us...and forthat, we will be eternally greatful.

Trying to hold on to that hope...i WILL see you again!

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

Believe

Hello friends!
I am still here! forgive me for taking so long to update! It has been a craaaazy long week....nursing is getting tough. I have really had to take a look at how I'm managing my time because life just fills up so fast and before I know it, I'm stressed out, panicking and a freaking grump.

And I wonder why?! I think the answer is pretty straightforward.

I'm not trusting in the Lord.

Now I know that sounds cliche, but think about it. Why do we get stressed? Because we become painfully aware of the fact that we are failing on our own strength. I hate failing. I hate feeling weak. I hate not accomplishing things for myself. But the Lord is opening my eyes I think. He is showing me that I don't have to be weak. I can be strong, successful and peaceful:

If I surrender everything (not just the huge things!!) to Him. My next test. My evening workouts. My attitude towards my sisters. The way I love kids at Young Life. My devotion times. My conversations at church. My future....oh yes..my future especially.
Ever feel like so lonely that you wanna cry? I have been having those moments frequently for some reason. I told Jesus the other night while driving around town on Friday night, by myself, listening to my Country music...

Jesus, I just want to be loved. I just want someone to see me, to tell me I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. To tell me they love me and really mean it. I just want to be loved by that one you have waiting for me Jesus. Why is it taking so long?!

I asked Him to take away my loneliness.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'

Therefore I, (Hannah Leilani Hulme!) will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Oh friends, the beauty and comfort of resting in the Lord! What can be more glorious? I can't think of too many things!
He is so faithful to us. He sees us as we are trying to make it in this crazy life. He cares about our longings, our desires, our hopes and our dreams. He is here to help us and carry us through the trials that bombard us and the good times that make our hearts just soar.
He has always, is always, and will always be here for us. So call on Him. Be at peace in your spirit. Wait on Him....He will meet you.

"I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27: 13-14



Standing By The Cross....

Sweet the moments, rich in blessing

Which before the cross I spend

Life and health and peace possessing

From the sinners only Friend

Here I'll rest forever viewing

Mercy poured in streams of blood

Precious drops my soul bedewing

Plead and claim my peace with God

Standing by the cross

The cross of Calvary

Looking up to my sweet Jesus

Mercy given full and free

Truly blessed is the station

Low before His cross to lie

While I see divine compassion

Beaming in his gracious eye

Here I feel my sins forgiven

While upon the Lamb I gaze

And my thoughts are all of heaven

And my lips overflow with praise

Standing by the cross

The Cross of Calvary

Looking up to my sweet Jesus

Mercy given full and free

© 2004 Brandon Heath

Sounds of Joy...

Yet in the towns of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are deserted, inhabited by neither men nor animals, there will be heard once more the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of the Lord, saying,

"Give thanks to the LordAlmighty,

for the Lord is good;

his love endures forever."

For I will restore the fortunes of the land as they were before,' says the Lord.

Jeremiah 33:10-11

 

Moments that take your breath away...

Listen to the song while looking at the pctures! :)

 

Life's not the breaths you take....

but the moments that take your breath away.