a peek into my world.

ok so i don't usually make it a habit of sharing what I write etc. in my quiet times. I don't know why actually. maybe it's just me. but the things I write in my journal i write without reservation. it's just me and God. our special thing. only His eyes see what I pour onto the endless pages of my journal.

however, today I'm going to make a little exception. this is only because i am so encouraged by what he showed me today, and just felt it was too good to keep to myself! I sincerely hope and pray that you will read this and that your heart will be encouraged!

so these are my words to Jesus today, March 23rd.

read from Luke 22:44

"His sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground."

and then Spurgeon's comment from Morning and Evening--

"Behold! The great Apostle and High Priest of our profession, and He sweat even blood rather than yield us to the great tempter of our souls!"

Oh Jesus, how great is your goodness to me!! Father, in my desperation I cry to You! Oh God, I am at the utter end of myself...You alone are going to have to get me through this. I literally cannot go on one more day. I'm exhausted. I'm absolutely done.  I have no more strength left. But, I am  so excited because this is the part of the race where I collapse and fall over, and You come pick me up and start sprinting towards the finish line with me in Your arms! You are going to see to it that I finish my race. You love me too much to let me quit like this.

Oh Jesus, I'm not going to apologize for being weak and just not caring anymore. I'm so done with giving myself all this unnecessary heartache over trying to be perfect, and always trying to keep it together! I am a mess Jesus. And you know what?

it's okay.

Because YOU are all I need! YOU are my sustainer! YOU are my passion and desire when i have none to give. YOU can fill me with this last burst of energy, this last rush of adrenaline to cross my finish line strong. Everything else has failed me. And I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that it would happen...Friends have failed me. Working out every day and losing weight hasn't brought me happiness. Studying literally all the time and giving myself to nursing stuff all the time isn't fulfilling me. Talking to guys isn't making me think about or dwell on how much I am loved and cherished by YOU. Even listening to my music or playing my instruments isn't making me happy or giving me peace in this unbelievably difficult season of life.

So I'm done. Done fighting.

I'm done trying to do it myself and create my perfect little universe on my own. I can't do it now, I've never been able to do it, and I know now that I never will be able to do it without YOU.

There's only one set of footprints in the sand right now. No more Hannah trying to be all tough and strong and sprint her way through the soft, deep, shifting sand. No more pretending I have the strength to get through this alone.

I am throwing myself upon YOU my loving Father! Show Your faithfulness to Your servant once again!

Jesus....to say "I love you" just sounds so flat and boring. And it doesn't even approach what I feel about You. I have never been so captivated, or felt so desperate for someone or something like I am for You. God, I seriously cannot even imagine what it would be like to live without You. Like I literally cannot wrap my mind around that concept. I would rather be dead in a hole somewhere than live without you. And I sincerely mean that with all of my heart.

YOU are the only reason I live. YOU are why I wake up every single morning to face this wretched world with the hope of the Gospel. Nothing here will ever satisfy me. The only reason I am here is to share the Great News with those wandering from You. That's all I do. I just want to honor You and bring You glory. That's it. Nothing else. No one else.

Just give me Jesus. For YOU are all that I need. You are everything to me. And I am nothing without You.

So take my life today, and use me as You will. Take these last 83 days of school, and O God, help me through them!!! Carry me. Sustain me. Hold me.

I am slinging to You with all the strength I have left. I'm not going to waste anymore on trying to do this myself.

So receive ALL the Glory, and do this for the sake of Your Mighty Name.

I do love you!!

Amen.

And He answered!!

"The LORD will surely comfort Zion

and will look with compassion on all her ruins;

he will make her deserts like Eden,

her wastelands like the garden of the LORD.

Joy and gladness will be found in her,

thanksgiving and the sound of singing!"

 

Isaiah 51:3

 

 

AND

 

 

"For I am the LORD your God,

who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—

the LORD Almighty is his name.

I have put my words in your mouth

and covered you with the shadow of my hand—

I who set the heavens in place,

who laid the foundations of the earth,

and who say to Zion, ‘You are my people...'"

 

Isaiah 51:15-16

comfort. comfort for God's people.

so sorry i haven't posted in so long. i have been soooo busy! And i have alot to do so this isn't going to be anything big, but just wanted everyone to know I'm still here! : )

i just believe that the Lord wated me to share with those of you who might be feeling dry or weary. I myself am walking through some very, very rough things and it is so easy to give into despair and hopelessness! But oh, th edeep deep love of Jesus! His faithfulness is just completely beyond me!
I have been fleeing to my Bible for comfort, and the first passage I came to was this:

“But you, Israel, my servant,

Jacob, whom I have chosen,

you descendants of Abraham my friend,

I took you from the ends of the earth,

from its farthest corners I called you.

I said, ‘You are my servant’;

I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For I am the Lord your God

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you.

 Do not be afraid, you worm Jacob,

little Israel, do not fear,

for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord,

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. "

Isaiah 41: 8-10; 13-14

Comfort. Comfort for God's people.

Oh friends, whatever your circumstance may be, never forget to run to Jesus. Run to Him. He is so good to you and has promised to uphold you! You can turn to whatever you want, hoping that it will fix you, but nothing but the blood of Jesus will be enough. He is your strength, He is your hiding place, your refuge.

So turn to Him. Trust in His mighty name.

Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it!"

Malachi 3:10

Going Home!

I’ve been feeling kind of restless


I’ve been feeling out of place

I can hear a distant singing

A song that I can’t write

And it echoes of what I’m always trying to say



There’s a feeling I can’t capture

It’s always just a prayer away

I want to know the ending

Things hoped for but not seen

But I guess that’s the point of hoping anyway



Of going home, I’ll meet you at the table

Going home, I’ll meet you in the air

And you are never too young to think about it

Oh, I cannot wait to be home



I’m confined by my senses

To really know what you are like

You are more than I can fathom

And more than I can guess

And more than I can see with you in sight



But I have felt you with my spirit

I have felt you fill this room

And this is just an invitation

Just a sample of the whole

And I cannot wait to be going home



Going home, I’ll meet you at the table

Going home, I’ll meet you in the air

And you are never too young to think about it

Oh, I cannot wait to be going, to be going home



Face to face, how can it be

Face to face, how can it be

Face to face, how can it be



Cuz this is just an invitation

Just a sample of the whole

And I cannot wait to be going home

These are pictures of some of Libby's favorite things

There is HOPE!

Heaven.

“If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” -C.S. Lewis

Do you think about Heaven, dear friends? Do you find your thoughts wandering there? Maybe in difficult trials? The days when life just seems impossible to face? Maybe when remembering the death of a loved one? Or what about on the happy days? Do you think about heaven then? I'll be honest...I'm usually so wrapped up in the joys that I'm experiencing in the moment, that the last thing on my mind is leaving them. This shouldn't be the case!

We need to live with Heaven always in the center of our focus! Remembering that we are not going to be on this Earth for forever, we must strive to share the love of Christ with those that are lost! We must feverishly serve one another, living as if today were our last day to show people we cared! How many unkind words do you think would leave your lips if your thoughts were that they might be the last words that person ever heared from you? How different our lives would look!

Now I'm not trying to be like all foreboding and grim, making you think you should always be thinking about dying. No no no. What I am saying though, is that I believe there is so much hope to be found when we look forward to that glorious day when we will no longer be marred by sin, sadness, sickness, or death.

On all days. Not just the sad or difficult ones. Heaven is our home, not Earth. We are merely passing through. We are sojourners in this life. Simple pilgrims making our way to the Celestial City!! And we are getting closer and closer and closer with each passing day!!!!!

Oh what joy this brings to my weary soul!

March 7th is Libby Griswold's heaven birthday. I cannot believe she's been gone 7 years.It still feels like yesterday when we got the call at 5 am saying she had been killed in an accident while her and Mike were driving to Richmond to celebrate their 1st wedding anniversary. I remember going numb. I remember thinking that it might just be a joke or something, thinking that Libby was just pretending to die to see what would happen to her money or something. Just like the mystery books right?

No.

No. Her and her sweet Sam were called home that night. Never again would they know sorrow or pain. Knowing nothing but complete happiness. Utterly content. And face to face with their Savor... Praising Him and worshiping Him for forever and ever and ever.

Jesus, I can't wait to see you. I can't wait to come home. If I had it my way, I would be with you right now. But Father, I will continue to wait. I know you have more work for me to do here on this Earth. Help me to never lose sight of the goal though. I want to live in eager anticipation for those beautiful words that will come from your very lips.....

"Well done, my good and faithful servant... Come and share in your master's happiness."

And Happy Heaven Birthday, sweet Libby. I love you so much and cannot even express how much I miss you. I can't wait to see you again. We will dance for Jesus together.