wow. i love feeling like an idiot. best feeling ever!! ...........okay not really.

Now this is my kind of morning! Sitting here with my coffee and bible, the windows open, a lovely breeze blowing through the house, and I'm here at home alone. Just me and God. I can safely say this is by far the best part of my day. How refreshed and encouraged I am when I am in the presence of God! And I don't have to pretend or put on an act for Him. He knows everything. I can lay all my cares and anxieties before Him.

Well, let me tell you, I certainly had alot to talk to him about this morning!

So, okay, have you ever done anything so retarded, you could kick yourself? Yeah, well I had one of those moments this weekend. No worries, I didn't do anything like life- threatening or illegal haha. No, it was more of a complete relapse of sense that resulted in my looking and feeling like a total idiot. Oh, what a wonderful feeling that is!!

So hahaha anyways, being the way I am, I kinda freaked out when my cousin brought this thing to my attention. I had an inkling of what she was going to say honestly, but just was trying not to think about it. But then she said it, and I wanted to crawl in a hole. And okay okay, it wasn't even that huge of a deal, but when it involves "certain people" you are trying to impress lol....lets just say things become a zillion times worse. Anybody felelin' me right now?? Oh please say yes.

Anyways, I just ran to the Lord this morning. I was beating myself up like crazy over it, and just telling myself the simple solution to fix it would be to just be never show my face in public again. Simple and efficient. My kind of style! =)
Okay, so I knew I couldn't really do that. But as I was journaling, and just pouring my heart out to God, I could feel Him just telling me to relax. Peace. That's what i kept hearing him say. I don't know about you, but I often feel like whenever I screw something up, I have totally and utterly ruined God's plan for my life. Not even kidding. So, how characteristic of God to hush me and quiet me with a loving reminder, even as I am in the midst of really panicking!

(heheheehe i couldn't resist putting this in)

The word that kept coming to my mind throughout this whole ordeal was the word "lead."  I was like ummm, okay God? But then I opened my bible and my eyes fell to this verse, and I was reading it, it clicked.

"In Your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed. In Your strength you will guide them to Your holy dwelling."

 Exodus 15:13

Notice, it says "Your" three times. Not "Hannah's"! Simple concept I know, but I about fell off the couch when I got it. The reason I'd gotten in this situation was because I had been doing the leading. I had been calling the shots, doing it all in my strength. And thus, I ended up where I did. Really messing things up. Surprise surprise.
So needless to say, I was convicted. The Lord showed me that wow... i really had been leading. Or at least trying. And I had failed miserably.

 But the hope I found in this verse was that the Lord leads in unfailing love. The Lord leads in His strength. The Lord leads me to His holy dwelling, which I interpret as His perfect plan, not mine. And oh, how relieving it is. I was once again reminded that yes, I can plan and plan my course as much as I want, but in the end, the Lord is the one who is directing my steps! And that means that yes, this stupidity of mine has to be part of His plan too.

So what do i do now? Ive still screwed up! Well, after the Lord showed me the verse in Exodus, he led me to the familiar passage in Psalm 37, but for some reason, it had a whole new meaning for me this morning, especially in light of my wonderfully genius actions. It is what the Lord wants me to do as He directs my steps.

"Trust in the Lord, and do good.

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness!

Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of  your heart!

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and he shall bring it to pass! He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him..."
Psalm 37: 3-6

Friends, Jesus has our backs. He is positioned to bless us. And guess what?? He is always like that! Even when we royally mess things up! We can never "ruin" his plan for our lives. He is directing every single one of our steps. All we need to do is trust Him. Delight ourselves in Him. Commit our ways to Him. Rest in Him. And He, as he always has and always will, will most certainly prove himself faithful....

And you can bet your life on it.