a kiss to build a dream on :)

try not to smile too much!! :)

"When somebody loves you

It's no good unless he loves you - all the way

Happy to be near you

When you need someone to cheer you - all the way

Taller than the tallest tree is

That's how it's got to feel

Deeper than the deep blue sea is

That's how deep it goes - if its real

When somebody needs you

It's no good unless he needs you - all the way

Through the good or lean years

And for all the in between years - come what may

Who knows where the road will lead us

Only a fool would say

But if you'll let me love you

It's for sure I'm gonna love you - all the way

All the way

So if you'll let me love you

It's for sure I'm gonna love you - all the way

All the way."

-Frank Sinatra

 

Remind me.

So I'm not perfect. Surprise surprise.
I don't know why I expect it of myself then! Like where. is. this. coming. from. Seriously. I mean, I know that God loves me just the same on my good days like he does my bad. But like I told my mom the other day, I just feel better about myself when I am perfect. When I do things right. When I work out for an hour, five days a week. When I make A's on tests. When people come to me for counsel, and immediately I have a super spiritual answer and they go away feeling better. When I lose 3 lbs in one week. When I get along amazingly with all 3 of my sisters. When I am happy, energetic and yes, love going to parties, care group and other functions to see people. When I don't want to do anything but go and read my Bible or listen to Christian music when I get in the car. When I go the whole day just praying and talking to God in the back of my mind. When I am motivated to serve others and sacrifice my interests. When I actually crave the salad instead of the peanut butter. When I clean my room. When I clean the kitchen just cuz I feel like blessing my sister by doing her dish night. Those are pretty stinkin' good days right there people. I am happy with myself, my self-esteem is high, people like me (because I'm super bubbly and happy and spiritual remember), church life is awesome, and oh yeah, God definitely loves me and is pleased with me... i mean come on! who wouldn't be??

and then i remember I'm human. the days that go by where I want to exercise, but just feel so daggon lazy, I make excuses why a run really isn't a good idea today. Or when I bomb a test because yes, I went to bed at 7 pm and didn't want to wake up early and study. Or even better, when I just totally skip the whole homework thing. Heck, watching Grey's Anatomy all night is way more interesting. When girls text me, in dire need of encouragement and I go blank. All I say is "Sorry I don't know.... ummm..I'll be praying for you....???"  When I gain 5 lbs and my jeans are once again too tight. When I am an absolutely brat with my family who is being nothing but loving and gracious with me. When I go to church and avoid people, not wanting anyone to know how much I really don't like the way life is going right now. When I cancel plans with people because I just don't want to put on that mask and pretend. When I flat out avoid chores, dish nights and pshh, forget serving. I'll do just enough of MY job so I don't get grounded. When I don't give a care about the salad. I will have that peanut butter. When I think Christian music is boring, and crank that country or hip hop at 6 in the morning. Goodness gracious... am I crazy?

I'm  just trying to be real here. I don't know what the matter is. I just feel like a despicable human being sometimes. Those days where I am like, wow. I seriously wonder if I am a Christian. *sigh*

I'm in a dry season. I know that. Even this blog points to that I am sure. I used to get lots of comments about how encouraging and inspiring my posts were. Now I sometimes wonder if I offend people. I don't mean to complain. I guess I am just struggling. And I hope that somewhere, even if it is just one person, that there is someone who might be struggling with life too. And that they might be comforted knowing they aren't alone.

Friend. Whoever you are...you are not alone.

Life gets tough. I am growing up and realizing that more every single day. The devil will try everything to get you to be discouraged and say "Screw this. God, I don't even feel you near anymore. If you really did love me, you wouldn't let all these trials to come and make me miserable." I'm not going to lie, this thought has entered my thinking many times. And it saddens me. But then...

There stands my Jesus.

My Jesus. My Helper. My Strength. My Strong Tower. My Healer. My Comforter. My Refuge. My Joy. My Song. My Almighty God. My Savior. My One and Only Love. My Provider. My Shield. My Shepperd. My Hope. My Song of Songs. My King of Kings. My Father. My best friend.

He is the one who enables and helps me to endure. Right now, I am in a place of just trying to keep one foot in front of the other. Life is very confusing and stressful. But nobody said it was going to be easy. I am just going to tell you right now. Whoever told you being a Christian was going to make all your problems vanish-yeah, they were lying to you. It is no cakewalk. It is a fight. A brutal, challenging, glorious, life-long, beautiful fight. And praise be to God, He doesn't leave me to fight alone!

 All this condemnation the devil hurls on me...why is it making me so downcast? Because I am not letting my Jesus fight for me. Why am I feeling so anxious and depressed because of life's circumstances? Because I am not letting Jesus lift my heavy burden off my shoulders for Him to carry. Why am I feeling despair and hopelessness about my future? Because I am not trusting in Him and His unfathomable love for me, and am doubting His power to bless me beyond my wildest dreams. Why am I not joyful? Because I am forgetting that I am free. Free to go. The debt has been paid, my chains have been loosed, and my burden of sin has fallen off my weary shoulders into the mouth of the pit as I stand in the shadow of that Wondrous Cross. Of Christ crucified for me. For me. That imperfect, insecure, weary, doubting, sinner. He loves me. He loves ME! Hannah Leilani Hulme. I am loved. And so are you.

So remember that when you are tempted to despair like I am. Let's all remember what price was paid for us on that hill of Calvary. Let us remember the One who endured and suffered all things and conquered them all. Let us remember that he was tempted in every single way we were, and never sinned. Let us remember how we are loved. How we are cherished. How we are carried by His strong arms, and encouraged and strengthened by His Holy Spirit.

That is a reason to rejoice and to hope. Remind me Jesus!

Lattes, laughs...and hope.

Well today...today was a good day.
It was the first day of school for all the public schools, so we no longer have the whole, quiet building to ourselves. Which is frustrating. It's so much louder and more crowded. But hey, lemme tell you one thing. I have never been so happy in my life NOT to be going back to high school in the afternoons! Haha to celebrate, I drove to Starbucks (which is right down the road from nursing...how awesome Lord!) and treated myself to my favorite drink: A grande skinny Cinnamon Dulce latte. I love that latte, man. It's like major comfort and love and joy. All in a single cup :) I do want to branch out a bit though...I need a new favorite drink. I like trying new things. Any suggestions??

So yeah, I had a friend encourage me this weekend. She wrote me a letter that God spoke to her. Just lifted my spirits so much and oh...made me want to hope and believe in the faithful, steadfast love of my Lord once again. I prayed in the car for the first time in awhile. Like actually prayed. Not sobbing and complaining to God. Just prayed. I asked Him for joy, for strength. I asked Him to let me see what a day without Lyme's would be like. Like just so I could get really excited about how much better I am going to be feeling. And by golly, did He answer! I was like CRAZY today! :-) Cracking jokes, laughing my head off at stupid things, not feeling like I was going to pass out from exhaustion while taking notes, actually feeling energy at the end of class...WOW. People seriously. It's like one of those things where unless you have to experience it, it just doesn't sound that awesome. But oh my freaking goodness it WAS. God is good.

I felt real tired after coming home, but went out to the garage and just worked out for awhile. That felt awesome. The doc says it's great that I have been exercising so long because my symptoms could be so much worse. I don't even want to think about feeling worse than I do...

All that to say, I think my faith is being strengthened little by little each day. God keeps sending me conformation regarding things I have been carrying in my heart, and it's crazy seeing it unfold. I have hope again.

I am reading a million books in my quiet time, and it's been GREAT! I highly recommend these books!

• Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon (daily devotional)
• Beside Still Waters also by Spurgeon
• Edges of His Ways by Amy Charmichael (LOVE THIS)
• A Woman after God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George (my little sis Naomi and I are gonna start this together)
• A Place of Quiet Rest by Elizabeth Elliot

Well, I am tired (surprise surprise) and have homework to do yet... love ya'll! God Bless you!!!

it's all about You...

I said goodbye to my dear friends/ brother and sister in Christ, Justin and Libby Ryder yesterday. They are moving to Harrisonburg so Justin can lead there, and the plan was for them to leave in about two weeks, but their little river house sustained some damage in the hurricane, so they had to leave today. Probably one of the saddest moments ever for me. I just seriously was like, Lord...I don't know how much more of this I can handle! What with struggling with Lyme's which is getting harder and harder, trying to stay alive in nursing, and just other things that have been weighing me down...
But it times like last night where I just literally want to cry and not do anything else, I am reminded of the One who is carrying me. Who is sustaining me. Who is holding me. I don't understand why life is so hard, but I am learning day by day that I don't need to understand. What matters is Who I look to when I feel like throwing in the towel. In the end, my eyes are going to look to Jesus, because I am reminded that He is all I have. Hallelujah!! All I have is Christ! I need nothing more.

I am so sad about Justin and Lib moving. But the Lord brought a song to mind that really encouraged me. As I am washing dishes, just sobbing into the soapy water, Let Your Kingdom Come came on, and I could do nothing but lift my hands and whisper "Okay God. This is all for You. For the sake of Your Gospel. So that Your Kingdom may come and so everyone might know Your Name! You are going to use Justin and Lib to advance your Gospel...it's all about You Lord. Your will be done."

Sometimes God just does things because He is Sovereign and He has a plan. And yes, sometimes it just really sucks because it involves losing those we love and going into the unknown. But we are following Jesus, and in the end, He remains faithful. He remains good. And that will never, ever change.


I read this scripture today in my quiet time, and oh, did it encourage my weary heart!

"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them!"

Psalm 126:5-6

 

No matter how hard the road gets, the Lord PROMISES that we will return with songs of joy!! :-) I will cling to that truth today.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Random I know, but here are some pictures from my church graduation!

 

 

 

God is good...all the time!!!

"Lord, please help me help my stupid self!"

I did it! I survived the first week of Nursing! :)
So, I don't know if y'all have been praying or something, but I've got to say that so far, things have been going WONDERFULLY! I absolutely love being back in the swing of school, the routine of studying, and just getting closer and closer to April 19th with each passing day!
It is SO much better than last year, I cannot stress it enough. Everyone there wants to be there, wants to learn, and we all get along great. It has turned into a big nursing family honestly. God is so faithful! He hears and answers prayers!

I am still really feeling the effects of Lyme's. Funny how once you know you have something like a sickness etc, you realize how much it is really affecting you! I have been trying super duper hard to follow Doc's orders and cut out all gluten(really all carbs actually) dairy, and sugar. MAN is it hard not to grumble! haha
But no, I think once I do some more research and start finding all the things I can eat, it won't be as difficult. But yeah, I feel for my family. They are so sweet and are trying to support me as much as they can by eating what I do....but I wouldn't expect that of anyone ;)
So yes, please continue to pray for my body to just heal and start working again so I can feel some energy like I know 18 year olds are supposed to have! :-)

Hurricane Irene hit the East Coast this past weekend as I'm sure you all know. We actually evacuated because in the past, our area has gotten alot alot alot of damage from other hurricanes, and so my dad just wanted us to be safe. We went back up to Bluemont Virginia (where I spent the month on the farm!) so it was good to be back so soon, even if it was only for a weekend.
One encouraging little story...

So yeah. We all have that ONE thing that we struggle with in our lives where no matter how many times you mess up and try to change, or how many painful lessons you have to learn...you just CAN'T seem to get the idea that maybe it would be good to shape up a bit and not do that thing?!Let me just say...the Lord is keeping me pretty darn humble. So I am seriously the most forgetful person I know. I literally do not know why this is, or what goes on in my brain, but I make the dumbest mistakes sometimes and I tend to forget things like...alot.
Carelessness. Yep. That's my thing.
I feel like I can never escape it! It happens to me all. the. time. no matter how many times I mess up and pray God would change me and magically make me careFUL, I always end up right back where I was.
And, surprise surprise, Hannah needs a humility check. Among other things that very same weekend, I decide it would be a genius idea to leave all my nursing books at our friend's house! Oh yeah, and not realize it until an hour into the trip! Smooth I know. You wish you could be that retarded!
My family was none to pleased with me to say the least, and let me tell you I felt like the idiot of the century the entire trip.
But God's hand was in all of it.

Backtrack a second...
So we left Chesapeake Friday afternoon, planning to stay until Sunday, which is when we hoped the storm would be over and we could return. WELL! About two hours away from our destination, yours truly decides that she would forget her purse on the outside patio table at the Chick Fil A. And drive away. And not even know she forgot it until a Chick Fil A employee calls an hour later, informing her.
*Forehead smack*
AND since Chick Fil A is not open on Sunday, this girl was looking at not being able to return Sunday, therefore having to miss pretty much an entire day of nursing on Monday (which is literally like missing a week of high school-no joke.) Gaaaaaahh! I was freaking out as you can imagine. I tend to do that. But as I was really panicking, I remembered some encouragement my friend had given me the other day about  going with things, and not getting so hyped up about everything. God has it under control! Okay, so I have no control over the fact that I left my purse, or that Chick Fil A isn't open when I NEED them to be, or that I am going to miss a ton of school. I can't control those things! But that's okay. I gotta learn, as my friend says, to just not give a crap sometimes haha and just let the Lord do His thing!

Well let me tell you, God did His thing! Not two minutes after saying a quiet prayer to the Lord, confessing my anxiety, and letting Him know I was going to trust Him, the phone rang and it was the Chick Fil A owner, saying that they did indeed have my purse, and that they had just lost their home power, so they were at the restaurant, and wanted me to know they would be here to give me my purse at my convenience!!

 Yeah. I wanted to cry.

So back to the original timeline, wherever that was. Oh yes, I had forgotten my BOOKS and we had been on the car about 2 hours longer than planned. Turned out, we finally made it to a meeting point where this sweet Chick Fil A owner actually met us and delivered my purse to me. Such a sweet lady. I was so humbled by God's kindness to me, even in the midst of feeling so dumb. Even in my biggest struggle of being careFUL, He is there to show me how much He loves me, and that He is indeed walking this road out with me. So encouraging!!

Anyways, that's my weekend :) I just got home, and am debating on whether or not I should take a nap or workout first. I'm thinking the nap...it's really dark and stormy looking! Perfect snooze weather.

God bless you all! Thanks again for reading my little ramblings. Praying for you!

The Final Stretch!

Well, yesterday was my first day back to Nursing!! I am so thankful the Lord helped me make in through Nursing I and II. Definitely the hardest thing I have ever done, but He has continued to strengthen and sustain me.
I am excited for this final stretch...I am so ready to be a nurse and get out into the world to start serving the Lord through nursing! It is for sure going to be a challenging year, as it is twice as long of a day, and there are tests and reading and notes and clinicals all the time. But anything worth having is worth fighting for. I am becoming more certain day by day that nursing is where God has called me.

Please continue to pray for me! I am still feeling physically exhausted (I just found out I have had Lyme's disease for about a year now) and life feels kinda stressful still. But GOD IS GOOD and I know He is so faithful to me.



"Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." -Jim Elliot

Love you all! Have an amazing Tuesday!

"Open your heart, girl, let Me make your dreams come true!"

At long last, I am finally sitting down to blog. I have seriously been trying to write for 2 weeks, but everytime I sit  down to post, something else grabs my attention, or I literally can't think of anything to say, which is infuriating because I am one of those kinds of people who thinks about blogging alot and is always trying to find ways to write about everything. Weird I know :)

So here I am. Sitting outside on my screened-in porch with my coffee. The Lord has blessed us so much these past few mornings. We have had a reprieve from the oppressive heat, at least in the morning hours. It is sunny and cool, and there is a breeze making everything just a bit better. I love this porch. I have decided it is going to be my special spot, at least as long as weather permits. We just bought new patio furniture and a rug and cute little lights...so its just perfect.



Well, where to begin.

I came home from the farm last week. Needless to say, I was pretty depressed after coming home. I just don't know. It was so hard for me to leave when I had really been a grown-up for over a month, living away from my family, doing what I absolutely love, surrounded by the beauty of the rolling green hills and mountains and farms. Not that I don't love my family, but it was just nice "growing up" a little bit. So yeah, coming back to Chesapeake was not the funnest experience for me.

I have been thinking and praying so much about what God wants me to do with my life. I have so many directions and dreams and aspirations, it makes me dizzy. And when you are a control freak like me and want to have everything planned and you want all the details now...well, lets just say "being anxious for nothing" becomes a struggle.

Can I be real for a second? Life is hard. And I honestly find it difficult looking to Jesus in seasons like this. I know I am on the brink of a new season of life, and that excited me more than anything. Also it scares the heck out of me, because I honestly have this notion that I am going to completely mess up God's plan for me and I am going to accidentally go the wrong way, and I won't be in His will like I want to be. But He has been showing me and encouraging me through His word that just like scripture says, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but the Lord directs His steps."
I belong to Jesus, and therefore He is leading me and directing me, even if i don't realize it. I am free to just live. Sounds simple I know, but it honestly gave me so much freedom.

Another thing I have been contemplating this week was something my mom observed...

 I had a legit meltdown yesterday. I just get so anxious and worked up about the future, and then days come where I totally lose it. I feel physically sick and my heart is so heavy from worrying. I don't know WHY I do this, but I don't think we get to pick our sin struggles. It would be nice if we could. Anyways, like I said, I was feeling overwhelmed. I have been walking through a long season of disappointment. You know like when thing after thing after thing just goes wrong? And you get your hopes set on things, and then nothing works out like you dreamed or prayed? Yeah, that's me.

But once again, the Lord remains faithful. I was just sitting on the swing, utterly defeated and weary, and the Lord brought me this reminder...

Lift. Your. Eyes.

Lift your eyes! Get your thoughts off yourself and all the "bad" and look to Jesus! He is over everything you are feeling! Taste and see the fullness of His peace! Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you! He really does love me. Even when I am a mess. Even when I fail miserably. Even when I frankly don't feel madly in love with Him! He loves me. He cares for me. Will I lift my tear stained face to Him and see those loving eyes filled with adoration and mercy and compassion?

Jesus, I want to see you!

So after a long week of struggling and crying and praying, the Lord is bringing my heart peace. My problems don't vanish the second I realize I need to trust God even when i don't want to, and no, my worries and anxieties don't vanish by any means...but I do have that reassurance that in dark times like this, I can lift my eyes to my Jesus, the one who loves me more than anything and who gave His life for me, that I might never have to be alone.

And He has given me hope for my future. Proverbs says, "Hope differed makes the heart sick." I have certainly had many hopes deferred. BUT my story doesn't end there! Goodness gracious, when am I going to get it through my thick skull that God has SO many wonderful things in store for me?!?!

Day by day, I think I believe it just a little bit more.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11: 28-30

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"--

1 Corinthians 2:9

"...Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God!"

Psalm 43: 2-5

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord!"

Psalm 27:13-14